I think I died a long time ago.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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