i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
