he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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