Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
