wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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