The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
