Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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