I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
