Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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