She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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