I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
