I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
