Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
