I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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