scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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