sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
