Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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