Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
