We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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