Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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