a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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