I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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