I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
