I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
