The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
