In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
