and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize