When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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