woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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