i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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