woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
