Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
