She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
