she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
FUCK WHALES
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
