is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
