he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
