it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
