Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
