I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize