well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
