i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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