i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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