How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
