I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
