WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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