It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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