well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have already put on my inside pants.
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