They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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