As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
