I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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