So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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