hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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