Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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