New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
