All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
