I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
