I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
