Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
