Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think your dad took our porno
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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