i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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