It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
