Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
