he wants to bone in the snuggie
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
