Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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