My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize