Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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