Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
